


Falling To Pieces

by butzichen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 20:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17392769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butzichen/pseuds/butzichen
Summary: She had been doing this a lot lately. Tugged away in a corner in Starlabs, hidden away from prying eyes, letting her emotions wash over herself like waves of hurt and pain...She had been doing this a lot lately, but this time was different. This time he found her.





	Falling To Pieces

She had been doing this a lot lately. Tugged away in a corner in Starlabs, hidden away from prying eyes, letting her emotions wash over herself like waves of hurt and pain. Most of the time she was strong, years of putting an armor around herself, not allowing herself to break. But still, there were cracks in her walls and some days some things would weasel its way through these cracks and the walls came crashing down. At these moments she would hide herself away, let herself drown in her emotions, just for a little while, before she could find the strength to once again draw up the walls, take a deep breath and face whatever happened next. 

 

She had been doing this a lot lately. When thoughts of her father would press down on her, when memories of feeling broken would break her once more, when Barry would lie in the medical bay not moving. Just before she would crumble, she would find a way to escape, escape to another nook or cranny where, frayed apart by her emotions, no one would see her dissolve until she could stitch herself back together again.

 

She had been doing this a lot lately, but this time was different. This time he found her.

 

“Cait?” his voice came soft like a whisper. One syllable floating over to her, carrying so much. Worry. Surprise. Comfort. She wanted to get up, brush away the tears, offer him a small smile and reassure him that she was fine, that it was nothing, just a moment of weakness, nothing big. But her body didn’t move, couldn’t move. Her pain still threatened to break every bone in her body and if she moved even a little, she would surely fracture into a thousand pieces that she could never ever put back together again. Right now, all she could do was keep breathing. Just focus on breathing. So, she didn’t move, because she couldn’t possibly move. 

She heard his footsteps closing in and her breathing quickened, what if he moved her? Would she break as well? She couldn’t see anything through the tears silently flowing down her face, but she felt him sit next to her, she felt his presence, his warmth. And her breathing slowed. 

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t ask why she was down here, if she was okay, what he could do or how often this happened to her, he just sat next to her, his body just a breath away. 

She could feel the cold of the concrete wall against her back. Usually, the unmoving cold would give her comfort, but not today. 

 

Today it had come in threes. 

 

Today she had woken up from a dream about her father. It hadn’t been a nightmare, it had been a good dream, about her childhood, but the harsh awakening had just reminded her that that version of her father was gone. The knowledge that he was out there, drowned by his alter ego and she couldn’t help him, had pressed down on her chest until she couldn’t breathe anymore. 

It had taken her twice as long as usual to get to work, trying to ignore the weight on her heart. 

Then the meta had attacked, the whole thing a blur of panic, his powers sending shock wave after shock wave into Barry’s chest until he had crumbled. Cisco and Killer Frost had joined Ralph and Nora in the field and together they managed to get the cuffs on the meta and transport Barry back to Starlabs, where she had switched to autopilot. Treating Barry until she was sure he would survive. She could still see the gashes the meta had left on his chest every time she closed her eyes. Completely exhausted and threatening to break down, she hadn’t needed much convincing by Cisco to go lie down in the lounge.

What should have been a good idea, turned out to be the worst. Already frayed and disheveled, her subconscious had used the opportunity to bring back memories of Zoom. Cold. Isolation. Fear. Darkness. Everything billowed up inside of her, filling her up to the brink. Barely able to keep it together, she had escaped once more into the depth of the building, unsure if this time she would come out again.

 

But he had found her. 

 

She never thought for a second she wanted to be found, especially not by Barry, not until he was sitting right there, next to her and his silent presence was doing more for her than anything else or anyone else ever had.

After a while, she thought that maybe she could move again, not a lot, just a little, maybe a finger or even her head. So, she turned it ever so slowly toward him, checking and rechecking that it wasn’t breaking her. Her eyes fell on his face, a soft smile tugging at his lips, his eyes gentle and caring. But she couldn’t return the smile, not yet, her lips still refusing to cooperate, so she lowered her gaze until it fell on his chest.   
Sitting down must have tucked at his shirt, for she could just make out the tip of the red marks of the slowly healing wounds. She sucked in a breath. She knew he would heal, she knew he was fine, she had made sure before letting herself feel anything at all. Still, the reminder hit her at full force again, cutting off her airways. Noticing her reaction and the cause, Barry wrapped one arm around her, pulling her close, while taking her hand in the other and placing it over his chest. “I’m okay,” he soothed her, “you know I’m okay.” Feeling his heart beat steadily under her hand, his arm steadying her and warming her back, let her breathe more freely again. She gave him a nearly imperceptible nod. But he caught it nonetheless. 

“You know I’m here, right?” he murmured softly, tilting his head ever so slightly and looking up at her, his gaze so tender, it felt intimate in a way. She knew he was here right now, she felt his warmth radiating off of him, pushing the cold away, his light slowly seeping in, chasing away her demons. But she also knew that he hadn’t been here, not in a long time, not really, so the words tumbled from her mouth on their own. “Are you?” She could see the hurt flash through his eyes, followed by regret and guilt, before turning into a sudden determination. “I am now.”

Tears started spilling from her eyes again, this time for a completely different reason. With one swift motion, Barry pulled her legs over his, wrapping her tightly in his arms, her head resting against his neck. She could feel his head against her hair, as he whispered. “You’re okay, I’m here, I’ll always be here, I promise.”

They stayed down there for a long time. He didn’t ask her why she had hidden away, maybe he knew after all. He didn’t ask her what she was feeling, what was weighing on her, how he could help, … not that day anyway. There were still so many things to sort out, but he was always there.

That was a promise he never broke.


End file.
